Tuesday, August 30, 2011

33 weeks.

I apologise in advance.. I'm feeling sorry for my tired, sore, pregnant self... I kind of skipped over the 2nd trimester, from week 20 to 33... here's what I can remember:

- The last time I threw up - week 23.
- Started to feel baby move from about week 21 - she moves a lot and rarely ceases.
- Then from about week 23 to 27 I felt great! My bump popped out, I was back in the gym and enjoying food again. I felt almost normal, just a little uncomfortable sleeping during the night.
- Week 28 onwards - awful. Absolutely awful. Was on par with the first trimester but now I think it's worse. A growing baby, an expanding uterus = a displaced rib = exceedingly excrutiating, intensely painful rib & back pain. Like there is a sharp knife stuck between my ribs, through the front, sticking out the back a little right of centre. Irritated & inflamed cartlidge and spasmed, tight muscles. Exacerbated by sitting, which means at work I feel like I am dying. Sitting for 8 hours is torture, unbearably distressing, extremely agonizing! and it is like this EVERY day and night. You get the idea...  and the only time it feels less severe is first thing in the morning when I wake up.. and I don't want to move or get up because I know what lies ahead of me if I do...

Then there are my other lovely third trimester friends.. that never leave me.
- lack of appetite - I get full on one piece of toast.
- squashed stomach - hence the lack of appetite - no room.
- stomach pains - just unexplained, random cramps and pains that have me crippled over and on the floor at work.
- constipation - doing a poo now is an occasion to jump up and down and celebrate and tell someone about it.
- acid reflux - gross. i hate it. makes me not want to eat anything.
- nausea - annoying, hovering over the bathroom sink at work waiting to throw up
- indigestion - another reason to not eat.
- fatigue
- faint/dizziness
- hot flashes - overheating at work whilst everyone else is wearing cardigans and the heater is on.
- leg cramps almost nightly & constantly waking up and trying to get comfortable with the weight of my stomach

:( I want my body back. My normal, not pregnant, not sick and sore body back. I can't wait for this to be over... for baby to be on the outside of me.

In addition to all the various ailments and physical pains... there have been a few moments where I have felt scared. Nervous, worried, frightened about being a new mum. My own personal life being over, in a way. Forever being responsible for another individual... losing myself in the care of an infant, child, more children... Not being able to do things I wanted to do. The impact it'll have on my marriage, finances, sleep. etc.... it is daunting.

But then I think... I've always wanted this. I've wanted to be a mum more than I've ever wanted to be anything else. I absolutely love babies. I was made for this and I am going to be great at it. :) It will be more joyful then I ever could comprehend. I can't wait!

Hopefully the next 7 weeks go quickly and smoothly... that I don't overdo it, and perhaps finish working a little earlier than planned so I can rest.. my body needs it. It is my main hope and prayer that my baby is healthy & strong and makes it safely into the world so we can snuggle and stare at her :)

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